A time comes when you experience a swell of maturation and a heightened sense of clarity. You realize the gravity of your undertaking, and you discover a new lens in which you see the world. You become defined in what you stand for, yet are humbled by the wisdom and unconditional favors of others. You learn to be grateful for the patience of your friends and the understanding of your family. You go forth with a conviction like never before.

This is your awakening.

You realize that passion is quite the understatement, because really, it is an obsession. It is the gut indignation about how screwed up the whole problem is, an agonizing discomfort with the speed at which things are moving, and the nagging urgency to find a solution. This obsession is the reason you feel no inhibition putting your ideas out in front of everyone and anyone you meet. You know that it will be a different product tomorrow, and tomorrow there will only be progress. People can run away with ideas but they can’t run up against your obsession. You pitch your idea the hundredth thousand time with the same level of energy and excitement as the first, except that it has evolved into something much more polished than when you first started.

You raise your first dollar, and it happens so quickly that it catches you unprepared. There’s a saying we have in the valley – ask for money and you get advice, ask for advice and you get money, I couldn’t agree more. The euphoria after your first close lasts for approximately five seconds, before you walk out of the meeting in complete silence because you’re now reconciling the feelings and responsibility associated with taking someone else’s money. You let the gravity of operating on borrowed funds sink in, making the commitment to squeeze out as much value as you can for every, single, dollar you even think of spending.

Upon retrospection, you realize that the fund-raising process is really an exercise of trust, credibility and negotiation, and not some classical valuation technique you picked up at business school. You later learn that your investors had already made up their minds even before reviewing your business deck, which served really just as a sanity check. Every entrepreneur can have a world-changing plan of action, but what seals the deal is an alignment of intention, and the trust in your ability to honor your word.

And then you face the perennial problem of recruiting your first full-time hires. You need to hire fast, but you have to hire slow (we’re still hiring). It’s something that’s so out of your control that you sometimes wish you could just clone your co-founders and programme them with a whole set of new skills. Finding a culture fit is paramount, and we use the yardstick of asking ourselves how long we can imagine being stuck on a remote island with every new addition. And then it hits you that you’re now responsible for putting food on someone else’s table, and you make a special effort to know their families too because they’re now indirectly depending on you.

You get your first paying customer, and that is when you experience the real euphoria. You’re suddenly running a real business. But more than that, watching children and parents reacting and benefiting from your product sets your heart on fire. A mere vision becomes a reality. You remind yourself every day of the tremendous responsibility of designing for children, because you’re sowing the seeds and shaping their minds. You are mindful of user testing because children are not experiments, and it goes beyond mere compliance of some child privacy act, but a dedication to protect them, to empower them with the right teaching and values, and to fundamentally keep them happy and safe.

You also discover that there are many smart people in the world, but there are very few who are very wise. Too many people get seduced by their own smarts to the detriment of their companies, their families, and themselves, but you never know by just looking at the surface because the media celebrates them. You realize that changing the people you surround yourself with can change your life. And after meeting so many people from all walks of life, you suddenly get it… because it ultimately boils down to a particular feeling of positive energy you experience with someone, and within the first few seconds, you just know.

Then again, there are only a few things I know for sure. And one of them is that we as a team will learn everything there is to learn, and fail as many times as we need to fail, to ultimately do what needs to be done. At the end of the day, it is really about abandoning yourself to what is to come, knowing that you will figure it all out, and to simply let your love for your users guide the way. Because every single time we see our moolah kids, we couldn’t imagine trading what we’re doing for anything else in the world.

For instance, most people do not actually work for money, but they work to earn a better quality of life – big idea in building a startup culture! People fork out real cash to purchase Farmville cash, so they can spend less time playing on Farmville (they call it a time hook, but aren’t we a walking paradox?) Do couples choose not to conceive because baby bonuses are insufficient, or because they simply cannot afford the quality time – might Europe’s mandatory maternity and paternity leave set an example?

I’ve found that the most valuable thing that anybody can give you really, is their time. Time too, in it’s natural passing, is also a human construct. Perception of time is time itself, and can expand in times of boredom, and contract in times of flow. Our psychological perception of time affects our decisions. And our decisions affect our lives.

A Balanced Appreciation of Time

In The Time Paradox, Philip Zimbardo (better known for the Stanford Prison Experiment) and John Boyd suggests that each of us hold biased time perspectives with which we make decisions with, that ultimately become ingrained as a mental habit. Some of us are trapped in the past, some relish the present, and some simply live in the future. Past-orientation can be focused on good memories or trapped in miss-opportunities; present-orientation can be hedonistic or fatalistic; and future-orientation can entail excessive goal achievement and risk taking.

No prizes for guessing – I happen to be excessively future oriented.. which comes at a high price in terms of family, health, and present enjoyment. I soon figured that at the rate I was going I might delay simply living my entire life! That would be a pretty bad deal, and definitely not much fun. There is a point in time where delayed gratification has to be taken in moderation.

Life changes when you achieve a full appreciation of time. Keeping an optimal temporal balance in mind, I make extra effort to appreciate the past for providing the identity and accompanying backstory that no one can deny, to focus on always being present and live life with vigor, whilst still keeping my healthy dose of optimism and excitement for what the future holds.

Generation NOW

At times, I do find myself a slave to time. It manifests in the frustrating five seconds when a page takes a longer time to load than I am used to; those moments where a hundred thousand things pile up on my to-do lists. It’s those times when I feel a impulse to be on top of current affairs, or be led by my curiosity and know everything I can possibly know about a subject.

There is a new expectation of immediacy, and and an accompanying need for action. Call it the attention economy – brands are just paying to grab our mind-share. In this cacophony and bombardment, we are expected to respond, respond, and respond.

But with what basis can we respond if we do not have time for thoughtfulness?

Clarity of Thought

This isn’t surprising. We spent most of our early school years marching to the beat of timetables, optimized for input. We were all was trained to think in 40-minute blocks of time, each with it’s own function of what to do and how to think. There was a time for Math, and then a scurry to the time for History. A time for play, which often meant being late for the time for English. We developed an incredible ability to absorb information without rumination, and to switch between various mental modes required for each domain.

I recently volunteered at an elementary school and met one teacher who had an extraordinary respect for her student’s time. After recess, the little ones streamed back into their classroom and laid their heads down on their desks. The lights went out, and soothing music soon filled the classroom as she started to narrate scenes of meadows and butterflies. “And now we shall all learn with calm minds and fill our hearts with generosity…” I saw the boys recovering from their beads of perspiration, and noticed some others who had dozed off to sleep. It was just 5 minutes, but it felt like a spiritual experience.

How often do we reflect on our intentions and actions? To reason and contemplate meaning? And to explore the whole substance of an issue? How frequently do we think with a sense of priority? Do we even give ourselves enough time to change our minds?

Budget Time for Inaction

Because I’m pretty lost without my calendar, I have resorted to budgeting time for all the important things – having free but bounded times for thoughts that matter.

To all founders, teachers, and parents, inaction is not a waste of time. Between action is the reflection, analysis, the study of why, and the prioritization of what is to come. Give yourself time. Be patient with your thoughts, and remember the following -

“It is not the time it takes to take the take that takes the time. It is the time it takes between the takes that takes the time.” – Roy Scheider, American actor

Think about it.

This post is dedicated to a dear friend who’s embarking on new found wisdom :)
You’ve inspired me greatly.

For the longest time, I refused to let people buy me any meals, and sweat over the small stuff. I hated having to ask for help, brushed off compliments or returned them with sarcasm, and never enjoyed the presents that were given to me (I was brought up at home to keep gifts until they were really needed or to give them away, boy did I understand delayed gratification!). I didn’t know where all these were coming from, until a wise friend pointed it out – I had problems receiving.

My world has changed since then, and that simple revelation has opened my heart to a keener sense of appreciating the beauty of unconditional giving, and receiving, which cannot exist without each other. I could list down all the lessons I’ve learned along this journey, but there are two beautiful stories I’d rather recount from Nipun Mehta, founder of CharityFocus. His response to how he gets by being a full-time volunteer left an indelible mark on me -

“When you give wholeheartedly, the community takes care of you.”

1. The Toy Story

It was Christmas day when the doorbell rang. A homeless man stood outside in the icy cold winter with a hungry child and begged for some food. As the father went to pack some food, he told his son also to give away one of his new toys from under the Christmas tree.

Without hesitation, his son chose his least favorite toy and brought it to his father – “No son, I want you to give away your favorite toy.” You can then imagine the tantrum that ensued. Between tears and sobs, his son eventually picked up his favorite toy and walked to the door with heavy footsteps, as his father took his place back at the dinner table.

It was a long time later, but as if his father had known, his son came running back with much enthusiasm -”Dad! That was so cool! Can we do that again?”

This story struck me on so many levels – It demonstrates the truest sense of giving, the great release of letting go of something most dear to you, and something else in which I cannot rationalize that makes the process incredibly addictive.

2. The couple most madly in love

This man had achieved success in conventional terms and had everything he ever wanted – the riches, the houses, the cars, the clubs and parties, and the private jet. As a fun little act of kindness, he decided that every time he went to his favorite high-end restaurant in downtown New York, he would pick up the tab for another table with a couple that’s the most madly in love. The rule of the game was that he had to be completely anonymous, and would retract his offer if he was found out. The waiters in the restaurant became familiar with his habit, and loved spotting couples who were most romantic, and then receiving the joy of presenting them with their bill of a nearly a thousand dollars, all paid for by some anonymous stranger.

One day, upon looking at the bill, one woman started bawling.. and didn’t stop for the next 15 minutes. Getting worried, and not wanting customers to be seen crying in the restaurant, the waiters urged this man to make an exception and introduce himself. After long contemplation, he got up from his seat and walked over to the couple.

The couple thanked him profusely and he learned exactly why the woman was so overwhelmed – it was their first year anniversary, and both husband and wife were volunteers for kids with special needs. They had saved up an entire year for this meal at the restaurant, and their gratitude simply knew no bounds.

Can you say who is receiving or giving more in this instance? I’ve come to realize that there there are too many things that don’t deserve a price tag, that one act of convenience for someone can go a long way for others, and there is simply no point calculating or being picky with repayment but to simply, just simply, pass it on.

There’s a quote that has been reproduced in so many places that I can no longer trace its source – “The real measure of your wealth is what’s left after you’ve lost all your money.”

Wealth has been around since the beginning of time, even before money was invented. Wealth is the stuff you need to survive and live happily. It represents the food and water you need to sustain yourself, the shelter over your head to protect yourself, the clothes to keep you warm, the vehicles that gives you the freedom of mobility, and the things that afford you the joy of leisure. It also extends to many intangibles: basic human rights and freedom, laughter and friendship, meaningful relationships, good health, and constructive thoughts. I thought I’d just do a check on dictionary.com -

Money, on the other hand, is a relatively recent invention, and came about with specialization such that people needed to trade their wealth (and barter couldn’t provide an adequate means). Money exists as a means of moving wealth around. It’s simply the universal agreed upon item that people barter with. But so many people confuse the two.

Here’s the current definition of wealth -

It’s fascinating how lexicographers keep track of our changing word definitions to reflect the passage of our social evolution. But isn’t it tragic that it has come to this? I do agree that one gets you the other, but it is not the same thing. And it is important to be aware of the difference. What we all really want is wealth, but what we often chase is money, at the expense of wealth. We work late, sacrifice family time, eat instant food, bully and stress our bodies, and then chase even more money for insurance, health care and other contingencies. It never ever ends, the insanity.

The Good News

The good news is that unlike money, whose quantity is controlled by the government, wealth can be created by any single individual (and destroyed too). It’s not a fixed pie. If you grow your chillies in your backyard, if you reuse the back of your notepaper, if you fix your old bicycle, the world is chillies, papers and a bicycles richer that it would have otherwise been! By creating wealth that you need, you then need less money, and might even receive some more money in return for the wealth you produce.

It’s why I love startups and innovation. At the center of any startup is a wealth-creation nucleus, where the confluence and gathering of ideas and resources result in something so much larger than the sum of its parts.

That is also the reason why I respect the work of programmers and engineers so much, because they are the ones at the heart of startups creating wealth and value simply by knowing how to get machines to work the way they want them to. At least in this country, too few programmers are realizing their worth. So much wasted opportunities. I was actually told at a young age that the best thing I could do pursuing computer science, was to become a technician. I actually believed them and can now only laugh at the folly of my thinking.

To understand the big picture and know what you’re chasing, then only will you gain clarity and courage.

“Not very long.” they answered in unison.

“Why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more?”

The fishermen explained that their small catches were sufficient to meet their needs and those of their families.

“But what do you do with the rest of your time?”

“We sleep late, fish a little, play with our children, and take siestas with our wives. In the evenings, we go into the village to see our friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. We have a full life.”

The tourist interrupted, “I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat.”

“And after that?”

“With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even downtown New York! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise.”

“How long would that take?”

“Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years.” replied the tourist.

“And after that?”

“Afterwards? Well my friend, that’s when it gets really interesting,” answered the tourist, laughing. “When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks, and make millions!”

“Millions? Really? And after that?” asked the fishermen.

“After that, you’ll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends…”

- Anonymous, from an email

Imagine if you could combine your passions, with your strengths, to solve real problems every minute of the day. It’s the reason why some people find the adrenaline that keeps them awake for nights on end, that when they sleep they just can’t wait to wake up again. These people have found X.

I’ve been pretty lucky to encounter such people in my life. You can see it in their eyes and feel it radiating from their soul, even though they might be introverts. There’s something about this spirit that can only be caught and never be taught. After a while, that energy empowers you with the confidence to start questioning and take your own leap of faith.

1. Start by knowing thyself
So much is being written about finding your passion or even discovering your life’s purpose. Brilliant. Well and good for those with easily identifiable passions, but I’ve always had trouble with this one. At one point, it even felt like I was screwed because I didn’t know what my one big hairy audacious mission in life was!

And then I realized that it was perfectly okay. The reality is that society often defines you by what you are based on your resumes, results, and which institution you most recently sold your soul to, that people have lost who they really are. By being grounded in your values and getting back in touch with your soul, you go a long way by letting the fabric of your character guide the most important decisions. Randy Komisar does a brilliant job putting this into an action plan:

2. Flex your strengths

In the most Asian way, I grew up being told always to fix my weaknesses. It now seems so obvious on hindsight – why not be a lot more of who you already are, than trying to correct for something that you are not? Just spending an hour each day devoted to honing a skill could go a long way, what more if you could flex your strengths for most parts of the day?

Thanks to scholarship interviews and business school, I’ve taken truckloads of personality tests that gave me a good (though highly general) understanding of myself. For those who are interested, I found the Motivational Appraisal of Personal Potential (MAPP) pretty comprehensive, although I know many who swear by the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) and the 16PF Test.

But what I personally found most useful was StrengthsFinder by Tom Rath, so aptly named, which I now use with anyone we get on board our team. The 34 strength classifications make a lot of sense, mined from data and research. And I love the action ideas on how you can work your strengths and help others with theirs. And no, I’m not making any commission on this.. but what a brilliant business model to boot – one code per book in which the value of the test results are enhanced as more people around you take the test!

3. Find out what the world needs

This is the part that ensures your lifestyle is sustainable, that you are contributing value to something the world really needs. If you get this part right, I guarantee you won’t have to starve on the streets to do what you love, or pump billions of dollars into marketing a product (*cough* coke *cough* USD3bn) that there is no real need for, to try and create your own demand.

Then again, this is almost the easiest part of the whole puzzle to me, because there are so many darn problems we haven’t found solutions for. The larger problematic themes still remain, around poverty, education, human rights, diseases, global warming and the litany goes on.. but what excites me the most is the rise of technologies that present us with new opportunities for solutions. If saving the world isn’t your cup of tea, try focusing on inefficiencies within the an industry you know, or even personal frustrations in which you are victim of circumstance. Chances are, you’ll be doing someone a big favor by figuring out a better solution!

All said and done, finding X is a constant work in progress and will evolve with the different stages and priorities in life. It’s something I’m still figuring out every single day. Then again, you know you’ve come close enough when you wouldn’t trade what you’re doing for anything else in the world :)